Trans*forming Family

thoughts on the transition journey of our entire family, from the proud mother of a transgender youth

One week from today

A week from today, my son will have his chest reconstruction surgery (aka “top” surgery).

The effects of the testosterone injections that he began in April are starting to become more evident: his voice is deeper and more full, his face is sharper, and his shoulders and upper arms are more wide and prominent. With these changes and his surgery date fast approaching, something is happening that has never happened before — he is talking about his future.

I never realized that i hadn’t heard him talk about himself as an adult until i heard it for the first time. When he was younger, the only thing he ever said was that he never  wanted to have a baby. Recently, in the most casual way, he mentioned that he is secretly going to be “the favorite dad” and i realized i was hearing something brand new.

In the last few weeks he has talked about his future so frequently and so positively and so differently than ever before that i am finding it difficult not to break into tears each time. When i think of him being on suicide watch just earlier this year, and now to be at this point…i am just so grateful we are here.

Along with his surgery comes the letter we need to get his gender changed on his legal documents in our state. Then he can really begin to more forward with his life. It feels like we are turning a corner. Thanks for walking with us.

20 responses to “One week from today

  1. Southeast Soffa September 24, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    After hearing all the sad stories about parents who aren’t accepting of their transgendered children, it’s so refreshing to come across this blog! Congratulations to your son, and THANK YOU!

  2. doubleinvert September 24, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    That he’s talking positively about his future is wonderful news, as is the upcoming top surgery. Congratulations to you and your son!

    -Connie

    • Trans*forming Mom September 25, 2013 at 6:40 pm

      Yeah, it’s pretty amazing, Connie. I just almost can’t even put into words how i feel at this moment: sort of excited and happy and anxious and “is this really where i can exhale?” all at once.

  3. anexactinglife September 24, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    I am so excited for Jacob and you that these big milestones are taking place! It sounds like it will be the turning point that you always thought it would be.

  4. Meike September 24, 2013 at 5:56 pm

    Wow, that’s such great news! Tell him that I wish him well and hope he has a speedy recovery — and also that I’m jealous he’s getting surgery before me! ;]

    • Trans*forming Mom September 25, 2013 at 6:48 pm

      You know, that thought has been on my mind. We have a friend here (I’ve written about him before — the one who was denied a name change and had to get a lawyer and go back to court to get the name change approved) who has known he is a guy since before my son did, and it took him longer to find a doctor to give him testosterone than it did for my son and he is still saving up money for top surgery, and i feel guilty every time i talk with him. I know he is happy for my kiddo but i also know there is some universal injustice there and he has to feel it. This stuff should just be deemed medically necessary, imo, and i think ten years from now (if that) it will be, and these struggles will be non-existent, but that doesn’t make it any easier now.

      Thanks for the well wishes. =)

      • Meike September 27, 2013 at 1:31 am

        I get that, and I think that as increasingly more kids start coming out and transitioning while still under their parents’ roofs, the struggles will continue decreasing. I mean, I at least am still under my dad’s BCBS MN insurance, and can get my transition covered! Hopefully this kind of a discussion won’t even need to happen in ten years, though. =]

  5. Cait September 25, 2013 at 1:40 am

    That’s wonderful news! Congratulations to the both of you, hopping he makes a speedy recovery ♥(●^o^●)♥

  6. Michael September 26, 2013 at 6:55 am

    The change in quality of life after top surgery is AMAZING. It makes such a huge difference. Congrats to him!

  7. ssbluridge September 26, 2013 at 8:41 pm

    I’m also joining in on the well wishes and finger crossing. & tell your middle son we said hi, k? :)

  8. ssbluridge September 26, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    ONE WEEK!!!!

  9. purplemary54 September 30, 2013 at 10:39 am

    ((Hugs)) My thoughts will be with you all. I am already visualizing an easy surgery and recovery.

    • Trans*forming Mom October 1, 2013 at 3:59 pm

      Thanks so much. We are back at the hotel now and he is sleeping. The surgery went well and he is sore but so happy!

      • purplemary54 October 3, 2013 at 12:16 pm

        Yay! He’s gonna be pretty cranky for a couple days. The only thing that annoyed me most after my hysterectomy was the food at the hospital (the pain sucked, but it was expected). All I wanted was fruit and salty things like soup and bacon. Let him eat whatever he’s willing to eat.

  10. Pingback: “learning how not to worry” | Trans*forming Family

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