Trans*forming Family

thoughts on the transition journey of our entire family, from the proud mother of a transgender youth

I’m not sure what “normal” means, but i think it feels like this

It’s been a while since i’ve posted anything here, and historically that has meant that things aren’t going well. This time, however, it means that we’ve been busy having a very “normal”-feeling life.

Jacob* has taught me over the last few years to refrain from using the word normal, but in this instance i think it’s the best word to describe the sense of calm and okay-ness that we are all feeling. Instead of worrying over whether or not Jacob is eating or whether i might find that he has harmed himself and fearing that i am going to lose him, i’m back to thinking about the typical day-to-day worries about the health of our aging pets and repairing the broken water heater and what to make for dinner.

In the early days of learning i had a transgender child, the fact that my child is trans was at the forefront of my mind. Now, he’s just my 16-year-old who…oh yeah…happens to be transgender.

At our PFLAG meetings, there’s an introductory part of our circle where we share our inspiration for being part of the group. I’ve pretty much always said that my son is my inspiration for being there — to support him and to learn, and to be there for other parents who are newer to the journey. At our most recent gathering i found myself saying that i am also there because, along the way, we have come to know and care about many other transgender people too, and i’ve made some really good friends that i want to support as well. I started down this road feeling very much like a mom all alone in the world, and i am now surrounded by amazing people that i love and am so very grateful to know.

Our lives have changed a lot in the last few years, and i’m happy with our evolution and i love our new normal. Thanks for being part of our journey! I look forward to sharing more of it with you.

*Jacob is the name i use for my son on this blog to protect his privacy

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10 responses to “I’m not sure what “normal” means, but i think it feels like this

  1. Gabe L. June 22, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    I enjoy reading your blog posts. It’s great to hear about this topic from a parent’s perspective! Also I’m glad that things have settled into something resembling normalcy for your family.

  2. Deanna Joy Hallmark June 23, 2014 at 4:19 am

    A trans support group I am involved with has had two sets of parents of trans children and it is heartening to see the willingness these parents have to love and support their children while they struggle with their own issues so that they don’t get in the way.of loving their children just the way they are. We also had twin sisters with their new trans-sister who they once knew as their brother. It makes me all weepy..for joy!

    • Trans*forming Mom June 23, 2014 at 12:02 pm

      I feel like i’m almost daily hearing from parents who are learning that their children are transgender. It’s great to see how many supportive families are out there, and how much easier it is going to be for the next generation!

  3. anexactinglife June 23, 2014 at 5:29 am

    So glad to hear from you again and to know all is well! Whenever things are rough in my life I always just wish for my problems to seem ordinary again.

  4. Mellicious June 27, 2014 at 1:49 am

    It’s been a long while since I’ve been on, but every post that came through my email notification, I’ve rejoiced in. That “new normal” for your family is a beautiful attainment. Maybe another term could be unremarkable bliss. May it only continue to get better. :) You rock, mama!

  5. alexisunwalla July 11, 2014 at 10:49 am

    Beautiful piece :) Normal as a calm, state of mind is always very comforting! I actually just published a post discussing where our human definition of the term “normal” resides. Feel free to check it out!

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