Trans*forming Family

thoughts on the transition journey of our entire family, from the proud mother of a transgender youth

About

my son and me | created by my amazingly talented sonI am the mother of a transgender son and his two supportive older cisgender brothers. Most of this blog focuses on our personal experiences as my son transitions from being viewed as a girl, sister, and daughter to living his life as a young man, brother, and son.

Our amazing journey began in February 2012 when my then 13-year-old child trusted me with the words “I’m A Boy”.

For the safety and privacy of my son, i use a pseudonym for his name. The name i have chosen, Jacob, is the name he would have been given had he been designated male at birth. In the rare instances when i must use a pseudonym for his former name, i use Ann — his previous middle name. More about that name, and letting go of it, here.

For my older sons, i also use substitute names. For most other family members, friends, and people in our lives, i just use titles (my mother, my friend, Jacob’s dad/my spouse, etc.).

My name really is Karen.

I no longer update this blog, but am keeping it active because i’m still hearing from people who find our journey meaningful and relatable. For those new to learning that you have a transgender child — life really does get easier with time!

The artwork on this page (also used as my avatar) and in the header image of this website was created by and copyright to my incredibly talented son.

33 responses to “About

  1. transfabulous March 27, 2012 at 2:08 am

    It makes me so happy that there are people like you in the world .

  2. surelytomesh March 31, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Your blog is so beautiful. Superficially you and I have a lot of differences but I feel like you are my kindred spirit. Thank you for – as your latest blog post says – doing what you are supposed to do as a parent.

    • transbeautiful April 1, 2012 at 12:03 pm

      Thank you. I’m still learning how to parent this amazing child of mine in a way that will nurture and affirm him without teaching him to give up too easily, and will help him to be strong and independent without pushing him too far or making him uncomfortable. This is a journey and i’m just grateful that he’s patient with me as we travel together.

  3. Eli April 11, 2012 at 8:09 am

    When I feel a bit uncertain and sad, I come and sit in your blog. I think of it as a quiet safe room I can feel comfortable in. Thanks for sharing.

    -Eli

    • elliot July 7, 2012 at 8:48 am

      seconded. jacob is so lucky to have you. and as a trans person myself and an educator who works with gender nonconforming youth, it is impressive and uplifting to see a parent respond so amazingly. kuddos, and keep it up :)

      • transbeautiful [Karen] July 7, 2012 at 10:03 am

        Thank you, elliot. I still feel like i have a long way to go. I still slip up and say stupid things sometimes like “you’re one of the boys now” that he has to correct me on (and i am *so glad* he corrects me!), but hopefully i am not making too many mistakes and making progress each day. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!

  4. pasupatidasi April 28, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    awesome avatar! so creative our kids right?

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  6. Ctmeoy May 3, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    It’s great to come across such a supportive parent!

  7. clownonfire May 11, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Thank you for having found my blog. Reading that a supportive mom like you is on the blogosphere made my day. Your sons are very lucky.
    Le Clown

  8. transbeautiful May 11, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    Thank you. (I think i am the lucky one to have such awesome sons, but thank you just the same.)

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  10. Meike May 22, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    This is such a beautiful blog. There need to be more people like you in this world! I’m so glad I found your blog, thank you for posting that comment on mine–I would be missing out if I hadn’t been directed here.

  11. carolinebuntain July 12, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    I wanted to thank you for your blog. I recently came to terms with who I am. It’s wonderful you’re so supportive of your child. There are many of us who do not have that.

  12. doubleinvert August 16, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    Heh, I’m on the other side. I’m a trans*dad with 2 really supportive kids. Your son is truly blessed to have a supportive parent such as yourself!

    –Connie

  13. maxcooperblog February 10, 2013 at 12:05 am

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! This is a wonderful resource for parents… I referred my mom to this page when I “came out” to her today. Though you didn’t know it, thank you for taking part in my journey. (:

  14. erichblayde March 2, 2013 at 3:52 am

    As a transgender son who did not get support from their biological family I can not tell you the joy brought to my heart by being able to read about your family’s journey and to see that all hope has not been lost. Your family’s example is an amazing gift to the transgender community and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing it!

    • Trans*forming Mom March 3, 2013 at 12:02 pm

      Thank you so much for this message. It’s heartbreaking to hear that you did not have family support. I think and hope that society is changing. I hope to know you better! Thanks again. =)

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  19. 3kids2cats1divorce May 26, 2013 at 12:13 am

    Hi there! I nominated you for the Shine On award. Do with it what you will, I know not everyone likes blog awards. Thanks for being awesome!

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